In the 1960s, Jown Bowlby outlined the approach to human development that he called attachment theory. He helped us recognise that from the day we’re born, our brains are biologically designed to respond to the care and kindness of others. This transformed parenting to support the emotional needs of babies and toddlers as they grow up.
People in affectionate relationships show lower levels of stress hormones and higher ones of ‘happy’ hormones than those in relationships characterized by conflict.
The way we relate to ourselves – whether we regard ourselves kindly or critically, in a friendly and affectionate way or hostilely – can have a major influence on our ability to get through life’s difficulties and create within ourselves a sense of well-being.
This comes from Paul Gilbert’s the Compassionate Mind and it corresponds nicely to a video of Osho I was watching at 4 o’clock this morning. He speaks of selfish being a beautiful world because it is about loving yourself. How can you love other people when you are not happy with yourself? His example is of beggars looking for money from other beggars and not getting what they want because the other person doesn’t have anything to give.
So here is my support and suggestion for reflection. Being my own best company. Kind of. I have been my own best company for a while now so I am a bit unsure of how I would do this any more than I already do but listening to others speak on it – like Osho – is helpful.
Also that word selfish is something that stuck with me. There is a cultural conditioning that women should be “nice” that we should give and not expect much back. Selfish goes against all of this so it jarred with me but now I find it tasty and delicious to think of being selfish and just doing things for me. Apart from the fact that it feels nigh on impossible it still feels fresh and exciting to think of it.
So here’s to devoting myself to me. To being a very kind friend and my own very best friend. It’s not as easy as it sounds but it’s a great part of the supportive journey I am on.
p.s. The following is also quite interesting, dreams as your unlived life. Apparently Osho doesn’t dream.