Everything everything

I was talking about the Tree of Life with someone in a pub nearly a year ago. There is a sequence which in half an hour or somesuch tries to show the whole creation of the universe. The guy in the pub said that it showed how insignificant we were. Creation was so huge and magnificent and we were nothing compared to that. I thought it was the exact opposite; we are so amazing that a whole universe had to be created just to get us here. Isn’t that crazy?

I constantly find life incredible. Tonight I took my daughter to her father’s place and as they sat down to dinner I said I would go and she would stay with her daddy overnight (for only the second time in her tiny little life). She lifted her hand and waved goodbye. Just like that.

So off I went walking through beautiful Clifton in the dark and looking into other people’s homes and kitchens and living rooms where a woman was lying on a couch with a blanket covering her feet and an older woman was sitting at a table in a kitchen on the second floor of one of those big houses. Seems like a strange place in the middle of the building and you can see all of it lit up.

Half-way home I remember the first night he came to visit her in the hospital and looked so happy when he was holding her. Actually I remember the second night and the picture I took of him – much easier to not recount all the anxiety and stress when you just remember the photo.

I mostly just walk along thinking that we must have done something right for her to be so comfortable at staying over no matter how the rest turns out. When I first went home after having M I had the most chilling thoughts of death. I would wake up in the middle of the night with the thought that I was going to die. Not that night, not soon maybe but one day. I had brought a child into this life and she was going to die too.

The constant knowledge of this death, all our deaths, stayed with me for a while. Sometimes I get the very opposite, I think how impossible it must be for us to have made this child. For things to have turned out so miraculously.

Sometimes everything is incredible.

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Day 1

4 responses to “Everything everything”

  1. It really is amazing, life! Sometimes I almost believe the creationists: how can all this just have happened? But they don’t convince me! 🙂

  2. Have you read Proof of Heaven, Judith? It was originally going to be called n=1 (a case study of one) but his publishers wanted something more catchy, I guess. It’s a story of an after-life experience told by a brain surgeon. I know you don’t do religion as such but he never mentions heaven, not really, and the descriptions are just fascinating.

    Life really is amazing. It sometimes feels like a cop out to say how amazing babies are but everyone was a baby and these days I get utterly fascinated at how we/they all turned out. It’s the adults as well as the little ones. Damn those creationists :).

  3. Well, indeed!

    I don’t know the book you mention. I’m a bit weary of near death experiences, I cannot believe they are the same as actually being dead. So, I don’t know whether I should read a book like that, I’m too much of a sceptic.

    Today I heard my son’s (14) projected height is 1.97m. That little fact on its own is amazing. 🙂

  4. Goodness! I heard the other day that sons are always taller than their mums. I don’t know if I believe it but maybe in this case it is. It’s all a form of magic.

    The proof of heaven book is fascinating because of his background and how he describes that his brain could not have been working. He’s been touring and promoting. I thought it was an interesting read – also a similar case by Anita Moorjani (sp?) whose medical records were shown as proof that she was nearly dead and then completely recovered during her near death experience. Maybe all this reading of mine is to do with the death issues that came up for me after having M. All of a sudden I find it incredibly interesting.

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